(no subject)

[lawnrrd]

I've refrained my whole life from creating (in a very broad sense) out of a primal, prerational fear that the end result would not be good enough--which is to say that it would not be perfect--with the implication that I would not be good enough. I manage to get things done only when fear of something else--fear of abject failure, usually--overcomes the first fear enough that I can get to work.

This is why I am not yet rich, famous, or powerful. I really should find another way to go about my life.

Comments

[reive.livejournal.com]

To direct one of my pet obsessions in your general direction -

"A life lived in fear is half lived." - Baz Luhrmann.

And while I'll add that you're in good company in that regard (that is, I think it's a condition nearly all of us suffer from for at least some of our lives), I think it's entirely true. Of course one tends to enjoy what they are doing right now the most, but man, I look back on when I wasn't doing anthing about both my secret and not so secret desires and it seemes a pale and sickly thing. It was well enough, but who wants a life predicated on the basis of what is enough?

And some people do, but you don't sound like you want to be that guy anymore.

[lawnrrd]

I haven't wanted to be that guy for some time now. And it's one step finally to admit you dislike yourself more often than you ought to, then another to know and admit that you're afraid all the time and that's why, then it's yet another to figure out what you're afraid of and why, and the last step is to figure out how to stop being afraid, or at least in the near term how not to let fear stop you. I'm somewhere around the end of step three and the beginning of step four right now. I think. I hope.

The Baz Luhrmann quote is dead on, though, and explains a lot of how I've felt about my life so far.

[catling.livejournal.com]

These words could come from my mouth.

I am actively seeking another way to live my life.

[lawnrrd]

I very rarely quote (or even paraphrase) Yoda, but you have much to unlearn, young Jedi. So do I.

Because that kind of fear and my responses to it permeate me, to an extent that the whole episode is usually long over before I even notice that it happened. It's as though, through long practice, I'v become hyper-vigilant about everything except the things I really need to watch for. I need to retrain myself, and I need to break the lifelong habits of thinking, feeling, and responding that got me into this mess. It's a wonder I have time left over to work at my job or play volleyball or go to piano bars.

[xrew.livejournal.com]

Rather than address personal fears (of which I have many) but rather the rich successful point. I've known scores for rich successful people and there are a some absolute truths regarding how they got there.

First, you must give up your entire life for the pursuit of money.
Second, you must be willing to screw over every one you know.
Third, you must give up your entire life for the pursuit of money.
Finally, if you as a rich person how they got there, they'll almost always say, 'Luck.'

These rules only apply if you want to be filthy rich or famous.

I would happily site examples, but not in such a public fourm.