Truth in Journalism

[lawnrrd]

There is an article (free registration required) in today's New York Times about last night's AVN awards (nsfw), the porn world's counterpart to the Oscars.¹ Of the award for "Best Feature," the Times reported:

That went to "Pirates," a relatively high-budget story of a group of ragtag sailors who go searching for a crew of evil pirates who have a plan for world domination. Also, many of the characters in the movie have sex with one another.

I'd like to see more capsule movie summaries end with the sentence: "Also, many of the characters in the movie have sex with one another." Consider, for example:

A bored married couple is surprised to learn that they are both assassins hired by competing agencies to kill each other. Also, many of the characters in the movie have sex with one another.

Or:

Based on Jane Austen's beloved novel, the classic tale of love and values unfolds in the class-conscious England of the late 18th century. The five Bennet sisters—including strong-willed Elizabeth (Keira Knightley) and young Lydia (Jena Malone)—have all been raised by their mother (Brenda Blethyn) with one purpose in life: finding a husband. When a wealthy bachelor takes up residence in a nearby mansion, the Bennets are abuzz. Amongst the man's sophisticated circle of friends, surely there will be no shortage of suitors for the Bennet sisters. But when Elizabeth meets up with the handsome and—it would seem—snobbish Mr. Darcy (Matthew Macfadyen), the battle of the sexes is joined. Also, many of the characters in the movie have sex with one another.

Or even:

In the fourth installment in the Harry Potter series, 14 year-old Harry has returned to Hogwarts, which is hosting the Quidditch World Cup and the Triwizard Tournament, where students from three different wizarding schools compete in a series of challenging contents. When Harry is selected under mysterious circumstances, signs begin to point to the return of the Lord Voldemort, and Harry will face his greatest challenge yet. Also, many of the characters in the movie have sex with one another.³

Doesn't that sound better than the original?

---

¹If not the Golden Globes.²

²Sorry.

³I think I read a porno like this once.

Comments

[lawnrrd]

"Many of the characters in the movie have sex with one another. Also, many of the characters in the movie have sex with one another."

[melonaise.livejournal.com]

Heh, I saw that Pirates on the shelf at my local porn store, but I couldn't convince myself to try it. Maybe I should.

³I think I read pornos like this every day. ;)

[lawnrrd]

Maybe they're working on a sequel, to be called Ninjas.

[roadnotes.livejournal.com]

I definitely like the Harry Potter one.

And you are not sorry, so don't lie, young man.