Well, Drunk People Sometimes ARE Terrifying

The Williamsburg Bridge was closed this morning because of "suspicious activity." Police arrested at least 3 men, at least two of whom were climbing into the bridge's superstructure. There were also vague, unsettling reports of "packages."

The latest news is that these three guys from Massachusetts have been up all night drinking and decided that it would be cool to climb a bridge.

Idiots.

And It's Even a Beautiful Day Outside, Too

It's just . . . nice.

One of my mind's disorders is a tendency to obsess. Lately I've been anxious about so many things: my marriage, having children, money, my job, my career, and the war, terrorism, and general brouhaha facing the world. The real problem has been my inability to make my mind focus on anything else for more than a second or two. I can shift it briefly by effort of will, but as soon as I relax, I snap back and stew in my own mental piss for a long time before I recognize where I am and try to shift again.

Of course, the anxiety is present even in the effort to concentrate on something else. I remember reading of a man who, as a young boy, was told by his parents that his fondest wish would come true if he could sit in a corner and not think of a white bear. The secret is that the white bear is present in the effort to think of something else.

The results have been what you'd expect from constant rumination over fears and dislikes: poor sleep, tension, unhappiness, inability to enjoy anything, and a constant, desperate search for anything that will distract me for a few seconds.

About a day and a half ago, after our counseling session, it just evaporated; the frantic cycle broke. I can't really tell you why, in part because someone else's privacy is involved, and in part because I still don't have the words. But oh! What a relief it is! I don't have to have the TV on in the background all the time. I can shower without turning on the radio to drown out my own obsessive thoughts. I don't dread going to sleep for fear of lying in bed, wallowing in self-hatred, before I fall asleep. A few days ago, I almost started crying for no reason; this morning I found myself almost giggling.

I'm still recovering. I've lost and wasted so much energy that I'm exhausted, but I can feel it only now. My muscles ache from the tension they've held for so long. By force of habit, my shoulders still start to hunch, and my toes start to curl, and I have to undo it once in a while.

But all in all, it's like I've finally been able to put down a huge weight and relax. We went out for dinner last night with an old friend, and I had a marvelous cassoulet at Artisanal. It's a beautiful, cool, spring day, with a blue sky, and the air smells fresh and wonderful except when there's a bus directly under my living room window.

(no subject)

Programming Microsoft Windows is generally annoying.

Kitties, on the other hand, are nice.