Useless Thoughts

It occurs to me sometimes that I'd make a great gay man, except:

1. Men do nothing for me.


2. I think Barbra Streisand sucks. Like, a lot.


3. The depilatory work involved would be just too horrible to contemplate.

Of the three, the Streisand thing is probably the biggest practical obstacle, but since I'm married, it's all probably for the best.

More Spam

From: Grimhelm Wormtongue
Date: Heven 25 Afteryule 1592 10:55:51

DUNLAND

Dear sir and/or madame,

Salutations, I am GRIMHELM WORMTONGUE, The son of late Counsellor Gríma Wormtongue of the Kingdom of Rohan.

My father was Chief Counsellor [equivalent to Prime Minister] to late lamented king Théoden of Rohan. In his position my father altogether legally and correctly acquired significant assets throughout Rohan in order to protect the Kingdom from enemy forces within and without.

In the course of lamentable events succeeding, my father was illegally deprived of office and expelled from the Kingdom. Before this he had with foresight already entirely legally deposited the sum of M.500,000,000,000 in gold with the Bank of Gondor (Minas Tirith). While in exile in the north he was assaulted and murdered by a band of northern pygmies. His family was obliged to seek refuge in northern Dunland among some of our sympathisers.

My father left to me all documents necessary to retrieve the sum of gold aforesaid from the Bank of Gondor (Minas Tirith). However, in the current political circumstances my solicitor believes it unwise for me to attempt to make the trip from Dunland to Minas Tirith, and has recommended that I seek a trustworthy foreign business partner into whose account this money could be tranferred. This appears to be the best option as we are unable to open an account in Dunland. Therefore we are seeking your trustworthy assistance and coopoeration.

You will provide information about your account that will enable a deposit to be made in your name. I will contact the Bank of Gondor (Minas Tirith) and inform them that the money is to be placed into your account. Upon completion of the transaction your share of the proceeds will be 15% net following deduction of all transfer fees, that is M.75,000,000,000. If the transaction goes well we also look forward to maintaining you as a profitable business partner for future ventures.

It goes without saying that I can expect your complete confidence and secrecy in keeping this matter under wraps prefatory to completion.

Please reach me at my email address: mbrandybuck@buckland.net

Thank you and ERU bless.

MR, GRIMHELM WORMTONGUE.