I’m Told That Action Begets Action; Other Begettings

[lawnrrd]

I have been fighting inertia for most of the summer, if not longer. I wish I could say that I've been winning. I’m sure that there was a reason for the initial slowdown, but I have no idea now what it was, and now it’s just feeding on itself: inertia leads to anxiety, which leads to avoidance, which leads to inertia. Lather, rinse, repeat.

For all that, I’m also happier than I’ve been in decades. I don’t know whether I can describe what K means to me in any kind of way that makes sense. It feels as though I’ve spent my whole life to this point trying to find a part of the world that feels as though I belong there, and now I have: it’s a bubble that has K at the center.

K and I were married in March, and she’s been pregnant for most of the time since then. The baby is due on New Year’s Day, but we both think she’ll deliver before then.

K has stepped up her efforts to break me out of my do-nothingism. At her urging, I’m getting up early tomorrow to go rock climbing—one of the few times I will have done it without her. At this moment, I think I’d rather sleep in and piss the day away playing computer games. But I know that if I do that, then I’ll be annoyed with myself tomorrow night for having pissed away the day with computer games.

Comments

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

Not sure your inactivity is inertia so much as "nesting," which affects expectant Dads, too! Your focus is turning inwards. Though I suppose you'd feel more virtuous if you were reading baby instruction books than playing computer games. :-)

[katestine.livejournal.com]

I’m sure that there was a reason for the initial slowdown, but I have no idea now what it was

I bet apartment hunting while planning a wedding had nothing to do with it.