lawnrrd: (Default)
Composed on an early morning, following a late night:
Velveeta!
Velveeta!

Don't cry for me, O! Wisconsin
Your cheese has become immortal
Despite the lack of
Refrigeration
It kept its freshness
To feed a nation
lawnrrd: (Default)
Leo's preschool had its annual fundraising St. Nicholas' Fair. A variety of refreshments was on sale, including a hot dog-based lunch for kids, beer and soda, and a variety of baked goods. At one table, English savory pies were on sale, including "Cornish pasties". And the one thought that kept coming to my mind was, "I wonder if there's a Cornish stripper around here anywhere."
lawnrrd: (spotted dick)
I think this must be from the same people who own Jiffy Lube:

It's a sight gag, sorry.
lawnrrd: (spotted dick)
Everyone else on LJ seems to be doing the "March is Question Month" meme, in which one invites the public at large to ask questions, which one presumably proceeds to answer. I have my own idea.

In a comment to this entry, please submit an answer. I will respond with a question that might conceivably1 elicit such an answer.

Share and enjoy!



1For a value of "conceivably" that reflects my gravely disordered mind, of course.
lawnrrd: (spot)
POOPCON 1
CONTAINMENT BREACH:
EMERGENCY HAZMAT PROTOCOL
POOPCON 2
PAYLOAD DELIVERED:
IMPLEMENT SANITARY PROTOCOL
POOPCON 3
EGESTION APPARENTLY IN PROGRESS:
READY SANITARY PROTOCOL
POOPCON 4
IT'S BEEN A WHILE:
INCREASE VIGILANCE
POOPCON 5
RECENT DIAPER CHANGE:
POOP NOT IMMEDIATELY EXPECTED
lawnrrd: (erotica)

There is an article (free registration required) in today's New York Times about last night's AVN awards (nsfw), the porn world's counterpart to the Oscars.1 Of the award for "Best Feature," the Times reported:

That went to "Pirates," a relatively high-budget story of a group of ragtag sailors who go searching for a crew of evil pirates who have a plan for world domination. Also, many of the characters in the movie have sex with one another.

I'd like to see more capsule movie summaries end with the sentence: "Also, many of the characters in the movie have sex with one another." Consider, for example:

A bored married couple is surprised to learn that they are both assassins hired by competing agencies to kill each other. Also, many of the characters in the movie have sex with one another.

Or:

Based on Jane Austen's beloved novel, the classic tale of love and values unfolds in the class-conscious England of the late 18th century. The five Bennet sisters—including strong-willed Elizabeth (Keira Knightley) and young Lydia (Jena Malone)—have all been raised by their mother (Brenda Blethyn) with one purpose in life: finding a husband. When a wealthy bachelor takes up residence in a nearby mansion, the Bennets are abuzz. Amongst the man's sophisticated circle of friends, surely there will be no shortage of suitors for the Bennet sisters. But when Elizabeth meets up with the handsome and—it would seem—snobbish Mr. Darcy (Matthew Macfadyen), the battle of the sexes is joined. Also, many of the characters in the movie have sex with one another.

Or even:

In the fourth installment in the Harry Potter series, 14 year-old Harry has returned to Hogwarts, which is hosting the Quidditch World Cup and the Triwizard Tournament, where students from three different wizarding schools compete in a series of challenging contents. When Harry is selected under mysterious circumstances, signs begin to point to the return of the Lord Voldemort, and Harry will face his greatest challenge yet. Also, many of the characters in the movie have sex with one another.3

Doesn't that sound better than the original?


1If not the Golden Globes.2

2Sorry.

3I think I read a porno like this once.

lawnrrd: (spotted dick)
"Jack Abramoff? I've never even met him!"
lawnrrd: (spot)
Please don't kick Daddy in the testicles
Please don't kick Daddy in the balls
Please don't kick Daddy in his naughty bits
In fact, please don't kick him at all


Fin.
lawnrrd: (spot)
This is one of the best things that I ever read in the now-defunct Journal of Irreproducible Results.

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